Longing to Tell

I was very moved by the stories to in Longing to Tell. These women are brave. Their stories are heart breaking, raw, and real. There is a reason why books like these are rare. As Professor Haley mentioned that women tend to keep their sexual and private lives to themselves. They do not discuss issues of sex, intimacy, and abuse because in actuality this is all they have for themselves and no one else. The rest of their lives are on display but at least they have this. However, concealing a wound does not heal it.  So I was inspired by these women’s courage to tell and I wrote this piece.

I have been longing to tell but there hasn’t been anyone to listen

I wanted to tell you

But I couldn’t find the words that where lodged in my heart

Stuck in my throat

Tied my tongue

And locked in my lips

I am pent up

I have secrets I tell no one

He hurt me

And no one did a damn thing about it

I cannot afford to show weakness

Because you would hurt me like everyone else

And besides no one has ever showed me their dirt

So why should I air out my dirty laundry?

I am a closed wound

I do not know what it means to be open

To be intimate

I have given my body to a man

I know a lot about fucking

But I don’t know nothing about no intimacy

I used to

But not no more

We would talk on the phone all times of night

We would hold hands under starry skies

We would kiss away the sadness in each other’s eyes

I was completely myself

That shit is over

He left like everyone else

But this hurt more than anything

Because I do think I loved him

God, I never told him

I loved him

I wish I told him

But I was not brave

Maybe if I write it here

I can release the story that I’ve been longing to tell

Sex is no mystery

Intimacy is no fairytale

Yes people leave

No sex won’t make them stay

Maybe you gotta keep trying

Probably won’t work out any way

But what do you have to lose

Loving ain’t easy

But it can be completely worth it.

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